It’s been a while since I have taken the time to write anything on here.
To be honest- The past few months have been comprised of a lot of thinking, as well as many challenges & most importantly things that I am learning to conquer (within myself.)
I wanted to be in a place where I could adequately express & share what I have thought about & learned recently.
It has a lot to do with EXPECTATIONS & REALITY.
I think a good amount of people (me included), respond to life | people | & situations based on what didn’t measure up to what we expected to happen or take place. There are too many examples to list in this area of unmet expectations, but basically I believe that we all have an internal desire or hope & if we were to be honest- Most of the time in life our internal expectations are rarely met or fulfilled- & if they are it is almost surprising to us. Most of us end up living in a state of disappointment & this becomes almost an expectation in our daily life. I do not think that this feeling is always based on the fact that we have made a wrong or inadequate choice, but many times because we have an internal desire that we may not be aware of until it is unmet.
Life can look like its going great, your relationships can be quality ones, & on the outside- Everyone would expect you to be happy & loving life… But in the middle of what seems like a great situation | relationship | or even a life that others want or envy- You can find yourself unhappy & not knowing why. Sometimes the reason you are feeling this way is obvious, because of a circumstance you are in the middle of… But other times we can find ourself feeling agitated | angry | sad | & even hurt… & not even knowing why.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that we have EXPECTATIONS…
We have things we expect out of ourself, others, our job, our relationships, & even strangers. & too often we are so OVER aware of what isn’t happening the way we want it to- That we lose sight of the fact that we have the ability to change it. It is true that you can’t change everything. But I think most people live unsatisfied or unhappy & they are actually living UNAWARE.
If you are aware of something that is making you feel less than happy or loved… There are steps to know how to move beyond feelings into taking action towards happiness.
- The first step is to ask is this worth my time & emotion?
- If it isn’t LET IT GO.
- If it is- KEEP READING… 🙂
- The second step is evaluate the situation.
- Can you change it?
- Can you change in it? (response/perspective)
- The Third step is do something about it.
- If you can change your situation for the better- do it!
- If you can’t- change your response or perspective on it.
- The Last step is to make smart choices.
- Relationally
- Spiritually
- Physically
- Emotionally
- Financially
Too many of us get caught up on why things aren’t working in our life the way we want them to… But how can your life work out the way you want it to- If you aren’t making decisions that are putting you in the direction that you want to go in? It is the basic principle of {Cause & Effect} which states,
“An action or event will produce a certain response to the action in the form of another event: Cause: is an action that makes something else happen. Effect: is a result of that action.“
I think one of the major things we forget to take into account, is that EXPECTATIONS are based on personal opinion & are biased- Each persons opinion on what should happen in any given situation| relationship | & life can differ from person to person. Some have minimal expectations & others have very high expectations… These are often shown in how we lead our selves, as well as take actions in our own life. Meaning that if you are a person (like me), who has high expectations of others- You most likely have high expectations of yourself as well & vice versa.
Tony Robbins says. “The problem with expectations is that they’re just like an opinion — everyone has one — & they don’t always match up to the other person’s thoughts. This is the birthplace of bickering.”
I find myself honestly being disappointed in myself a lot.
I want to be more | do more | grow more | have more | give more… Yet I constantly find myself in a place of needing growth. I happen to think this can be a positive tension in my life, because things that are progressing are growing & growth is never convenient or comfortable. My dad (Keith Craft) says,
“Many people spend too much time & energy on being frustrated & miss the benefit of frustration. To benefit from frustration you have to look at the real issue of your frustration, whether in your relationships, with your body, soul or spirit, with your weight, your finances, etc… I would challenge you today, to refocus not on the “tension” that you have perhaps allowed to bring you into a frustrated state, but the “plateau.” There are two kinds of people in the world: those who handle their frustration and those who wish they had. We must decide whether our frustration is based on the “tension” we feel or the “plateau” we are on. It is what I call “uninformed” frustration based on “tension” that is not beneficial and leads to unnecessary, unresolved anger.
Another thing that my dad teaches on is something called the 80/20 of frustration.
Which states that 80% of our frustrations are spent on people, places & things we can do nothing about… & 20% of our frustrations are with things we can do something about.
The first is “uninformed” frustration, it is frustration at things that we have no control over.
We have to focus on the 20% because it will impact the effect that the other 80% of our frustration will have on us.
100% of our frustration has the power to produce creativity, problem-solving and success if we will do the something about the 20% of frustration we have the ability to control.
Here is the bottom-line of frustration: You are going to be frustrated! Where you focus when you are frustrated; on the “tension” you feel or the “plateau you are on and what you do about it, are going to determine whether frustration is beneficial or debilitating.
“People who fail to achieve their goals usually get stopped by frustration. They allow frustration to keep them from taking the necessary actions that would support them in achieving their desire. You get through this roadblock by plowing through frustration, taking each setback as feedback you can learn from, and pushing ahead. I doubt you’ll find many successful people who have not experienced this. All successful people learn that success is buried on the other side of frustration.”
(Anthony Robbins)
In this season of Thanksgiving…
I wanted to share some of what I have dealt with personally but also give you ways that I am working to overcome what I am dealing with WHICH IS ALWAYS A PROCESS…
I wouldn’t say I am at the place where I have conquered all the things that personal expectations effect, but I moving in the right direction by choosing to use my awareness of what isn’t happening the way I want it to- To then propel me into acting on what I can do, to make things the best that they can be in whatever situation/circumstance I am in.
One of the many things that I have been processing in this season is that I recently was diagnosed with two auto-immune diseases. Yet no matter what I have ever faced or come up against… I KNOW WHO I BELONG TO. I KNOW WHO IS IN CONTROL. & I BELIEVE IN THE HEALING POWER OF JESUS CHRIST- Over any Doctors report.
I don’t want to live my life focused on what isn’t working | how people aren’t treating me how I would like | or even that my life isn’t where I want it to be.
I want to take my EXPECTATIONS… Understand my REALITY… & not getting hung up on what is or isn’t- I want to live in a state that I choose to APPRECIATE WHAT IS!
It is our appreciation for the things that others do “right” | for the life that we do have | & the things that are possible that propel us into the future we want! If you stay in the place of disappointment | dissatisfaction | or delusion- You miss out on the GREAT things you already have & you disable yourself from benefiting from everything around you… EVEN THE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE!
Conflict in life is inevitable. Expectation with no appreciation leads to unnecessary frustration, which leads to you being unhappy. Appreciation for the things we have in life | in other people | inside of even what seems like negatives- Will take us further into a life of happiness. That is why happiness | gratefulness | appreciation | & positivity are all a choice we make in our perspective But then the interesting thing is that your reality & how you feel about life seems to change based on how you see it.
If you pay attention, there’s always something to be appreciative about.
Today I choose to take my expectations & enable them to move me into seeing what is missing & BE THAT- Not NEED that… I choose to APPRECIATE life | others | & even difficulty… because it is inside of my appreciation that my reality is shaped.
Philippians 4:8
“Finally, my brothers and sisters, always think about what is true. Think about what is noble, right and pure. Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect. If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those kinds of things.”
Happy Thanksgiving.
LOVE FIERCELY,
